We're Off to See the Wizard
by GliiTch-tHE-sCArEcrOw
Summary: Cain and Glitch are out to make peace with the Guild Fighter, but they are less than hospitable to their new guests. A side adventure of two friends set at the end of the series.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This is my first ever fanfiction so please give me feedback on what you think of it. And sorry to disappoint all the slash fans out there but this is written in the same idea of the movie; Glitch and Cain are just friends (but if you feel the need to interpret otherwise I won't stop you). One small note is sorry for my butchery of the word papays, but I really was at a loss for how to spell it. If anyone could give me the correct spelling it would be much appreciated. That's all, enjoy!

Wyatt Cain took in another deep, rigid breath as he attempted to keep his last strand of patience. It had been less than a day since he and Glitch had parted ways with DG an Raw who had left to restore the fields of the pepés while they went to spread the news of the Wicked Witch's downfall to the Eastern Guild Fighters. They had heard of quite a few mishaps with the Guild Fighters trying to skin the last few messengers for being spies, so it had been decided that Cain was the best man for the job. Glitch had come along on account of he'd been captured by the Guild Fighters before and supposedly knew his way around.

Less than a day and Cain was ready to shoot Glitch.

"I could wile away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers, consultin' with the rain…"

It seemed that dancing wasn't the only thing Glitch prided himself on and in the last hour of their travels he had taken to singing.

"And my head I'd be scratchin', while my thoughts were busy hatchin' , if I only had a br-"

Glitch yelped as he felt the back hand of a very disgruntled tin man connect with his chest. Cain had abruptly stopped in the middle of the Old Road and was now taking a moment to let his irritation simmer down a notch before speaking.

"If I hear one more word out of you, you best be prepared for your little musical to have an early finale." Cain warned, using his usual strict, chiding tone of voice.

Glitch huffed and looked offended, but aside from muttering something about Cain being heartless under his breath, he remained silent as they continued on.

They had traveled onward with only the soft sound of loose bricks clinking together for about ten minutes. It was at this time that Cain could make out the soft hum of a very familiar and unwanted tune. He decided, for his own sanity, to let it go as his imagination and just keep walking.

Glitch, however, was no longer walking.

It seemed the dancer was now intent on skipping along the brick road to his own repeating tune. Wearing his usual smile and blank expression, Glitch looked even more like a kid than ever and the entire scene caused Cain to stop walking altogether. Now following no one, it took a total of five second before Glitch got lost on a straight road. He'd managed to wonder off into the woods.

Cain just stood and waited, as if knowing how this was going to end or simply not wanting to put forth the energy to go get the lost headcase. Glitch had now stopped skipping and was looking around quite confused. He went a few steps to his left, then decided against that and took a few more steps to his right, pausing there as well. Making a three sixty that nearly made him loose his balance, he caught sight of a very agitated tin man standing all by himself on a brick road. He promptly trotted over to him, looking all sorts of friendly.

"Are you lost?" he asked Cain, who couldn't help but retaliate, even though he knew this was just Glitch being Glitch.

"Lost? I think you were the one in the woods, Glitch."

"The woods, well what was I doing in there? Hey….were you trying to ditch me in the woods? How cold of you Cain!" Glitch began, Cain tried to interrupt, but to no avail.

"Just because you don't enjoy a good song or a bit of company gives you no right to just throw me on the side of the road! Really, a tin man like yourself should have a bit more decency, or at least a bit more heart…" Glitch continued, but Cain was already continuing on, shaking his head in a mix of sarcasm and amusement.

"Hey! Wait up!" Glitch jogged to catch up to Cain again and the two were back on their way.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: All right, here's part two for you all. Thanks for the hits and reviews I've received so far, they are very much appreciated. I tried to proof read this one a bit more carefully but if you do find a mistake please feel free to point it out in a review and I'll gladly fix it. Also, please let me know how I'm doing on characters, meaning how you think I do in portraying the characters in their original form. I've taken some liberties in putting them in bad positions for the humor of it (later on) but for the most part I'm trying to keep them the way they were. After all, that's how I fell in love with them! Thanks for reading and enjoy!

The rest of the journey went on relatively well after that. Though Glitch pestered Cain for a pit stop and Cain responded with an offer for some permanent rest, the two still managed to reach their destination without killing each other or losing their sanity.

"All right, we're here. Now keep your eyes open, the Eastern Guild Fighters are not to be taken lightly…" Cain began in a hushed tone as he walked slowly along the leave scattered ground, his eyes sharp and alert as he looked for signs of movement.

Glitch let out a small snicker at the unintended pun, causing Cain to turn around and give him the same stern look he'd given him for talking about rhythm and soul. Glitch's smile dropped as he looked back at Cain's hard expression.

"You know Cain, you could have a sense of humor every once in a while," he said, but Cain didn't look very amused.

From up high upon one of the tree bridges that wove across the canopy of the forest, two Guild Fighters looked down with all seriousness on the pair of misfits.

"Azkadelia has sent more spies," one noted to the other.

"Then we shall attack, from the skies," The other concluded.

Now deep within the forest, Cain was beginning to loose his sense of direction. Though he was sure Glitch would be utterly unhelpful, he posed the question anyways.

"Glitch, do you remember any of this?" he asked, looking over to where Glitch was curiously observing his surroundings.

"Glitch!" Cain called in a rather loud whisper.

"Oh…hello….did I miss something?" Glitch asked, wandering back over.

"Does this look familiar at all?" he repeated.

"Oh well of course! I remember last time I came wondering through here I was on my way to…" After a long pause, Glitch brushed off the forgotten memory and continued on.

"Well I was just passing through when those little savages sprang up around me! Nasty little men they are, with horrible poetry might I add, and they just tied me up without even giving me a fair trial! Such injustice. The queen would have never allowed for it…." Glitch told Cain, who wasn't very sympathetic.

"Right, but do you remember this place? Anything familiar? Where did they attack from?" he asked, all business as usual.

"Oh well that easy, they came up from the ground," he said, trying to use Cain's condescending tone of voice, but failing miserably.

"Or was it from the sky…" he said, having second thoughts.

"Forget it, Glitch. Just be alert," he said, continuing at his slow pace, glancing both up and down in anticipation.

Glitch was now feeling a bit upset, having failed to remember anything about the Guild Fighters. After all, that was what he was here for.

"Come on…think…think…let's see…there was some trees….and then….Oh! Some leaves…yes…oh these ones look familiar! We must be close to where I was….hmm…and there was that thing….oh what was it!" Glitch raked both hands through his disheveled, curly hair as he tried to grasp the fading memory.

Then something shiny caught his eye.

"Ha! That was it! Cain! I found it!" Glitch yelled in triumph, forgetting that they were supposed to be keeping quiet.

Cain looked over to Glitch who was running over to….something.

"Found what? Glitch, hold it." Cain said, but it was no use, Glitch had found something and wasn't waiting for anyone. Cain hurriedly ran after the ex-inventor, wondering if maybe the headcase really did remember something. He did have his moments after all.

When Cain caught up, he found Glitch staring at something shimmering on one of the large tree trunks. Upon closer look he found it to be a mirror, or something close to it. It was circular and though it resembled a mirror, it didn't seem to be solid and it wavered in the thin light trickling down from the canopy above.

"Oh dear….this is horrible!" Glitch exclaimed. Cain barely had the chance to become worried before Glitch continued on.

"When we get back to the castle I need to get a good haircut. Oh dear this coat is quite ripped up…and is my zipper tarnishing?" Glitch continued to examine himself in the mirror, coming across more and more awful revelations about himself.

"All right pretty boy, go fix your hair somewhere else, we have more important things to do," he said, dragging Glitch away from the mirror, but he paused. Looking back at the gleaming object, he scrutinized it for mere seconds before realizing what it was.

"Come on let's go," he said, urgency in his voice as he pushed Glitch forward to prompt some movement out of the confused man.

"Wait, what? Why are we running? I thought I told you already, I'm an inventor, not a runner!"

"Well you better learn to be. That wasn't any regular mirror back there; that was spying glass. If you don't move it those Guild Fighters will have us corned and trapped before we even get a chance to give them this letter," Cain said, turning right as he heard the soft rustle of tree branches around them.

"Spying glass! So they saw my horrible hair as well? This is almost as bad as the time we saw that wanted poster…" Glitch lamented, only to be answered by another shove in the back by Cain, who was a much faster, and much more coordinated runner than he was.

Once they were well away from the spy glass and in what Cain thought to be a safer location, he stopped, trying to regain his senses again. Glitch didn't realize they were stopping and promptly ran into Cain's back.

"Ow! Watch it Cain. You can't just go stopping suddenly like that, you can't just go stopping suddenly like that," he complained, twice.

Cain turned around, hand over the bruise that was forming on the back of his head, and tried to keep that good fatherly side of him from becoming an abusive father.

"Look, your just going to get in the way. Go wait for me back on the Old Road and I'll come back when I'm done talking with the Guild Fighters." He explained, but Glitch didn't like this idea very much.

"Ha, well I'd gladly avoid another pass with these midgets but you've gotten us too lost for me to get back. And plus, I can be helpful; I did save your life after all. You know Cain, this is just that Boy Scout syndrome of yours acting up again. Judging by your constant need to show your masculinity, I'd say you have a severe case…maybe even degree five. I know some good people who could get you the psychiatric help you need….or knew…" Glitch trailed off, again, cocking his head to the side as he searched his half a brain for the rest of his sentence.

Cain was near fuming, though he tried not to show it. He was about to respond when he suddenly realized they weren't alone. All around them small men clad in animal skins, colorful feathers, and war paint were pointing their varied spears, axes, and arrows at the intruders. Surrounded, Cain and Glitch stood back to back, taking into account just how outnumbered they were.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: Sorry for the huge delay! I've had most of this written already I just forgot about it for a bit and I figured no one would be reading it anyways! But a recent review from Wrenny reminded me of this, so thanks Wrenny! This Chapter's a bit dull, but the next one will be better. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but the original ending was worse, and it was the best way to quickly change it. R&R, thanks!

* * *

"He-hey…the name's Glitch." The ex-advisor stuttered rather unhelpfully and received an elbow in the side from Cain.

"Leave the talking to me, would ya?" he said in hushed tones.

"Guild Fighters, I've come to bring a message from the queen, she wishes to inform you that-"

"Don't listen to him or he'll deceive you with lies!" a blue-faced Guild fighter interrupted.

"Your costumes don't trick us, we know you for what you are, spies!" said another.

Glitch looked very offended and was quickly reviving his bad feelings for the little men.

"Costume, excuse me but this is the royal uniform for the high official of the queen…at least I think it is," he added.

"Just listen to us, we aren't spies, Azkadelia has-" the tin man began but was cut off again, this time by the sharp jab of a spear. Without a second thought he had his revolver in hand, cocked and ready to fire. The Guild Fighters, feeling that they had been proven correct, quickly took battle stances and reinforcements began dropping from the sky.

"Looks like they don't want to do this the easy way. Time for some aggressive negotiation. You watch my back, I'll watch yours," Cain instructed over his shoulder.

"Right….wait what? You want me to fight? But I don't know how to do that," Glitch admitted with a touch of confusion to why Cain was expecting a little inventor like himself to be able to throw kicks and punches like some sort of tin man.

Cain had been about to take off into battle when Glitch's words halted him.

"Your kidding, right?" came the exasperated response. Of all times for Glitch to forget something like that.

"Yes….no…Wait, what were we talking about?" Glitch asked.

"Oh for gods' sake…" Cain began, taking one wrong step towards Glitch and suddenly the ground was his sky and the world was spinning and bouncing all at once.

The Guild Fighters gave a triumphant shout for having caught the tin man in one of their traps, a small rope that led up to a very high branch which had him captive by his left ankle. The sudden lift from the ground had caused him to drop his gun and he was now powerless and rather disoriented, even once the rope stopped bouncing up and down and settled he still couldn't see straight. He could make out a double vision of Glitch looking up at him with vague amusement and curiosity.

"Glitch! Get out of here!" He yelled down. Oh yes, even when hanging upside down the tin man still kept up his hardened hero act.

Glitch, being quite the opposite of Cain, was more than willing to take the advice. Taking a few steps forward, he suddenly realized that there were little men blocking his way. So he merely decided to try another way. More men. How odd! After walking in a very small circle and finding himself thoroughly surrounded, he looked back up at Cain.

"Any other bright ideas, tin man?" he asked. He didn't get a response. Turning back to the Guild Fighters who had turned their looks on him now, he searched his half a brain for a way out of this situation.

"Oh…ah…he-hey there little guys…I mean….wait, I didn't mean to say that! Uh….yes….have we met before?" he gave a small, uncomfortable laugh and then looked confused again. Getting rather nervous he started muttering incoherently, something about code number one hundred forty seven line seventy six of the O.Z. Regulations and Rights, but it was all just a jumble of words to his attackers.

"Shield your ears! He speaks the spells of a witch!"

"No no no, I'm just Glitch!" he defended "Oh gods…they have me saying bad poetry too…this is a nightmare." He shook his head as the Guild Fighters continued their assumptions.

"Quickly! Bring out the binds and the post. He'll be served justice to burn and roast," the Guild Fighter exclaimed.

"Oh dear…" Glitch squeaked.

"Hey, hold it!" came a bold voice from above.

"You aren't taking him anywhere." It seemed that Cain had used the time Glitch had been babbling to cut the rope that held him with his handy razor. With one last cut, he was loose and landed unceremoniously on the ground, sending up small puffs of dirt as he quickly scurried to his feet.

"All right, no more tricks and traps, those are for cowards. Now you either let me bring this letter to your leader or I'll make you," Cain started, threatening and hostile as usual.

The Guild Fighters, still surrounding a very jumpy Glitch, were surprisingly unresponsive to the threatening. Cain had only a moment to ponder this before a dull thud resounded as a good sized rock collided with the back of his head. Cain crumpled to the ground as the heavy stone continued swinging above him like a pendulum. It appeared that yet another trap had gotten the best of him.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: All right everyone! Chapter four is up! Finally. See, I was rather hesitant to put this one up, because some things are still being sorted out in the plot line, in particular, the escape. I'm deeply regretting putting Cain where I put him.Oh well! It'll make for some interesting plot twists, no? Sorry for any typos in this one, I'm a bit sleep deprived and I actually had to do a good bit of adding to this one to make it a solid chapter instead of a fragment...

Thanks again for all the reviews! They make me smile :)

Please R&R.

* * *

When he awoke, Glitch's first thought was that he had finally remembered the name of the psychiatrist he was trying to recommend to Cain. His second thought he voiced out loud.

"Why am I tied to a post?" he asked, looking around to see that there were in fact people to hear him and he wasn't talking to himself.

His captors were busy piling wood around his feet and having furtive discussions that he couldn't here. To his left he could see Cain locked up in some rendition of stocks. It wasn't a position Cain would pride himself on, but at least it was a step up from being in a tin suit. Before he could laugh, he realized he wasn't looking so great himself. He'd been tied up to a post with his arms outstretched at shoulder height and attached to a slimmer wooden post behind his back. His feet were dangling about an inch or two off the ground, and though they were free, served him little purpose in his predicament. For some reason he was feeling quite itchy. After a minute of searching for the cause he found it.

Straw. There were bits of straw stuffed in all of clothing, through the holes in his tattered pants, the torn lining of his jacket, and the open collar of his shirt.

"What is the meaning of this! Hey…let me down from here. You…you…" glitch searched for an insult worthy of such men. "Munchkins!" he finally yelled.

A groan sounded from the stocks to his left and it seemed like Cain was coming back to his senses.

"Psst! Cain!" Glitch whispered rather loudly and inefficiently, but he thought he was being sneaky. He received a groggy murmur in return.

"Cain!" he tried, more urgently this time, but still no response.

"Now you spies are bound and tied, all your secrets you will provide, else be fried alive!" came the sinister little rhyme from the Guild Fighter who was standing between Glitch and Cain.

"Who will be first, which is the worst?" one pondered aloud.

"Ooo…him, pick him." Glitch suggested, nodding fervently.

Cain, who was now quite awake, gave a hard glare at Glitch, but all the same wouldn't try to change the decision.

"To him, answers we will inquire, but continue to prepare for the fire," concluded the Guild Fighter.

"Fire? What fire? Psst….Cain. What fire? Are we cooking something?" Glitch asked. Cain looked up, putting the picture together much faster than Glitch had.

"Yea, you," he answered, feeling only a small bit of remorse for the immediate effects of his statement. He was too busy testing the pain in his head when he liften it up a few inches.

"Me? Me! What? You can't cook people! You're cannibals! How horrible. You're worse than the papays! Oh no…I don't taste good. After all, I only have half a brain, so I'd only make half a decent meal…" Glitch reasoned, trying to be logical, but finding that the approach didn't appease to the fierce little men.

"Cannibals we not be, but a witch you are, and you must be served justly!" riddled the Guild Fighter. Glitch was still utterly perplexed.

"Glitch, they think you're a witch," Cain started, giving one hand a jerk, but it was strongly clasped in the wooden stocks "And so they think they have to burn you. They've always been big on traditions, especial ones that deal with torure," he continued, giving the restraints another shove, but he was still trapped "Just hang tight, I'll get us out of this."

"Oh yea, just like you did last time. Real genius cutting yourself free to get knocked out by a rock. Even with half a brain I would never do something that idiotic," Glitch told him, pushing Cain's thin line of patience to the near end.

Meanwhile, the Guild Fighters had taken to sprinkling some odd dust on the wood under Glitch and then on the post he was tied to.

"Oh hey look, it's Avvimedispositifuco, letter abbreviation Av, number three hundred and five on the O.Z. periodic table. A common element often used in the fine art of starting fires," Glitch rambled off the information quite by accident, then looked momentarily proud of himself before going back to the usual look of confusion.

"Hey!" Cain yelled, trying to regain the Guild Fighters attention to buy himself time to think of a plan, and to forestall Glitch's cremation. As much as the guy tugged on his nerves, he didn't want to see him filleted.

"Look, you want information, I've got some. Just let me talk to the guy whose running this show," he reasoned, still trying to figure out a way to get out of the restraints.

"Lie and you die," the red-painted Guild Fighter warned.

"Look, the Queen just wanted me to give you a message. It's in my bag over there," Cain said, nodding over to where his discarded bag was.

The suspicious Guild Fighter cautiously approached the bag and used the end of his spear to prod it open. Another tiny warrior scampered up and quickly yanked out the protruding white envelope.

Meanwhile, Cain searched his mind, and Glitch searched his half a mind, for a way out of this mess. The letter really was from the Queen, but judging by the stubbornness that the fighters had displayed thus far, Cain doubted that they would believe a word of it. They had always been very suspicious, especially when it came to Azkadelia and her long coats. So he'd have to find some other way of getting out of this. Unfortunately, he was in the worst position for breaking out. If he had been Glitch, he could have just lifted the slim post off the base one and figured out how to get his hands free from there.

Putting two and two together, Cain tried to get Glitch's non existent attention.

"Glitch!" he whispered, loud enough for him to hear it.

"Shhhhh Cain! They're reading the letter, it's rude to interrupt. You know, when I was advisor of the Queen I used to read hundreds of letters everyday. It was a tedious task you know, but I worked very hard at it, and I didn't have loud mouthed tin men to bother-" Glitch began, reminiscing, but he was soon cut off.

"Glitch! Take a stroll down memory lane some other time. Look, you need to get yourself off that post…now just-" This time it was Cain's turn to get cut off.

"Silence!" cried a Guild Fighter who was stationed behind Cain, where he could not see him, standing watch over the prisoner. He had given him a stinging rap over his spine with the wood of his spear.

Cain, though his hands were bound and his head immovable, was more than ready to retaliate. A forceful kick with his right leg sent the tiny man sprawling on his back five feet away.

"Back off," came the curt and bitter tone of Cain, who obviously had quite a bit of stored up anger.

As more guards came to keep an eye on Cain and he proceeded to attempt warding them off, Glitch was, once again distracted and found his eyes wondering to his very own guard. Deciding it was only polite to start up some small talk, he turned his head down to the little man in a friendly manner.

"Hello there, have we met?" he asked. It was always a safe greeting, since often times he met people multiple times in one day.

"Keep quiet witch, I will not listen to your evil or else you will curse and kill!" exclaimed the guard, quite intent on keeping the dreaded spellcaster quiet.

"Witch? Are you calling me a woman? I must protest and say that from the day I was born I have always been fully male. Yes, what a lovely day….or, I suppose it was, though I can't recall it…" he said, looking thoughtful as he imagined himself at one year old.

"Oh, well you see, nothing rhymes with wizard," the man confessed. Glitch nodded knowingly, but before he could become further acquainted with what he believed was a new friend, there was a harsh cry from their main captor.

"What is this treachery? These lies will not set you free, only cause you more misery!" the Guild Fighter cried, obviously very offended by the letter which explained that Azkadelia was no longer possessed by the evil witch, but to them it was only a ridiculous scheme to save spies from capture. They felt very clever for seeing through this, even if they were quite mistaken.

"Start the fire!" cried the blue-faced Guild Fighter and they all cheered as another warrior appeared with a torch.

"Hey! What are you doing! Hold it…get off me you midget…" Cain muttered, kicking another Guild Fighter in the stomach as he resisted the infuriating restraints that he had yet to overcome. There were at least five men surrounding him now, all with spears at the ready.

"You know, Cain, in situations like this it is advised that one should take a deep breath and count down from ten. It does wonders on nerves. Like this," he took a deep breath, and let his shoulders relax as he exhaled, counting slowly as he did.

"10….9…8…"

"Glitch!" Cain yelled, trying to get the past inventors attention.

"7….6…."

The man with the torch was happily approaching, near five yards as Cain zipped through ideas of how to get out of this. It seemed truly in vain if he couldn't even get Glitch's attention.

"5….4…"

The fire swirled in a deadly dance atop the torch as it was lowered to the pile of wood at Glitch's feet.

"3…2…1. See, there Cain, now I'm nice and relaxed," Glitch explained.

The fire leapt to life, making its lethal path up towards the post that a now, very relaxed Glitch was tied to.


End file.
